I was reading a post here about hip and bosom thrusting babes. Most of you wouldn’t even bat an eyelid leave alone recoil in shock except if I told you these were babes barely out of their cradle.
Yes, this post is about what we can do to prevent this trend - of toddlers who, with their parents’ approval, enter beauty competitions and
buy dolls that they can breast feed - from catching on.
Demarcations vary from parent to parent for a whole host of
complex reasons. I wouldn’t try and tell any individual parent what’s okay and
what isn’t. But I’d rather this trend didn’t spread.
Life is all about
emulating your peers or someone you admire. How do you tell a child who is
innocently copying gyrations from other young kids on TV - moves that look decidedly
"adult", that it isn’t okay? Would a simple “NO” suffice?
New age parents might feel that does a lot of psychological
damage to their kids. So what should they do if they want to stop their
darlings from swivelling their innocent little hips or striking a pose? How should they control the urge to yell at their toddlers to stop? Parenting skills definitely come into the picture. We
want our kids to understand the limits and boundaries we set up and yet we don't want them to grow up thinking we are bullies. Depending on our kid's nature that sends a bad message - either that it is okay to bully if you want your way or that it is scary and very intimidating or that you hate your parents.
So how do we get the message across more tactfully? We aren’t born
with such skills. In the old days they used to come from experience, our own
parents, books by experts and trial and error. Today, they might be from all of
the above plus reading the net – not only what the experts have to say, but
also through online discussions with other like minded parents.
Here are a few suggestions.
- If parents are good dancers, perhaps they could join in – dance with their kids in a way that is fun and yet more acceptable, show their kids a couple of slightly challenging steps that they might admire more than a hip thrust or a moue of the mouth.
- What if our kids find OUR dancing offensive? Unbearably clumsy? Embarrassing in front of their peers? Perhaps they could watch other kids dancing on dvd or join a dancing class for fun.
- What does a parent do if the child still continues with those hip grinding moves in spite of all their sensible parenting skills? You’ve got me there. I honestly don’t know the answer to that. Your thoughts and suggestions welcome.
What I do know is, weakly giving in because we don't want our
kids growing up feeling denied or psychologically damaged is not an option. On
the whole, I do feel parents should set limits. To my mind very young kids, for
their own safety should grow up with a clear idea of what the demarcations are.
As they grow, they could be given more (and more) choices.
I feel kids who know their boundaries grow up feeling less confused,
more secure and infinitely safer. And that’s a great psychological advantage
over kids who have no sense of what they can and can’t do because of lack of parental
guidelines.
To end, here are two scenarios – one is a toddler beauty
pageant with lots of pictures and the other, two young kids jumping about
energetically on Youtube.
If I had grandkids, I know which of the two I’d like them to emulate.
14th November, Jawaharlal Nehru's Birthday, is Children's day in India
The United Nations observes November 20 as Universal Children's Day
Info gleaned from this wonderful post
14th November, Jawaharlal Nehru's Birthday, is Children's day in India
The United Nations observes November 20 as Universal Children's Day
Info gleaned from this wonderful post
Very pertinent post, KayEm. New age parents indeed confuse freedom and appropriateness and in turn confuse their children. There is nothing wrong in setting limits and letting children know which are appropriate behaviour for their age. I have seen mothers letting their children wearing dresses that are more suited to older teens. I would love my grandchild to have fun too without indulging in age-inappropriate behaviour. Thankfully her parents think likewise :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Zephyr. What prompted this post was the fact that we, as parents, sometimes feel helpless in the face of rebellion and having some strategies and skills with the well being of our kids in mind won't do us (or them) any harm.
DeleteCan't agree more with your thoughts...well said!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Kalyan
ReplyDeleteA post that is so near the truth but then isn't all this due to exposure to media and I think it is a bit difficult for parents today to keep a tab .
ReplyDeleteagree with your thoughts and suggestions in toto and hope they become effective.
But one thing --if parents can instill a sense of belonging and faith between their kids and themselves then they can succeed when the children grow up to a certain age say from 10 years onwards they can then be convinced to follow a certain pattern
thanks for this very very important post
Exposure to media is unavoidable nowadays. It has advantages and disadvantages. For our easily influenced young, parents have to be vigilant - very difficult, I know. Perhaps parents could use that very media to keep in touch with one another?
DeleteAs for trust between parents and kids I sincerely believe parenting skills (over and above love, devotion and a desire to protect), might help.
Completely agree. From whatever I have seen on TV and which roaming in malls, a lot of so called 'parents' are not worthy on being one. I think there should be a test to make sure that the couple is even remotely capable of bringing up a sane child.
ReplyDeleteAll of us make plenty of mistakes and hopefully, parental skills give us the opportunity to think about how to handle the most common problems we might face and how we could react. Thanks, Amit.
ReplyDeleteKayEm , the crass commercialisation has done a great damage to the ethics and decency of which the gyrating kids and adult like behavior is attributable. A combination of encouragement from indulgent parents does even greater damage. Very thoghtful post!
ReplyDeleteRahul, I have nothing against a kid dancing to express him or herself joyfully. But adult looking gyrations would definitely set the alarm bells ringing and getting a toddler to enter beauty competitions, posing etc is robbing the toddler of fun, childishness and the happiness of just being.
DeleteTotally agree, KayEm. Kids do need limits so they have a clear-cut idea of what they can or can't do. We shouldn't be afraid to say "no". Keep it simple -- reward them generously when they do things right, punish them when they do wrong! This way they will know the consequences.
ReplyDeleteThanks DK. If we have parenting skills I do believe we'd know how to keep punishments to the minimum and perhaps let them suffer the consequences of some of their actions.
DeleteMy kids are independent now but I do remember wondering very often how to handle some of their precocious behaviour when they were younger - I know, through experience :), the need for parenting skills.
Very valid post...esp for mothers. I am deeply disturbed by kids who blindly follow the jhatkas and matkas. Television reality shows are encouraging the trend....
ReplyDeleteIf the child persists with Bollywood gyrations the mothers have to patiently but persistently tell them that it is not age appropriator and vulgar.
Patience and persistence sound like a good idea. Thanks, Alka.
ReplyDeleteVery good post.
ReplyDeleteHope it reaches scores of mothers and kids who watch all those dance shows in TV, in most of the regional languages too, in India. It is sad to see those kids dancing for double meaning songs from movies, and I feel appalled watching the mothers beaming on Camera!
Pattu, like I said earlier, I do have nothing against dancing. I love dancing. But adult(ish) moves alarm me in toddlers and they being toddlers, WILL copy what they see. As for entering beauty competitions, that is absolutely the pits. They should be running around, copying dance moves from age-appropriate dvd-s etc and not being stuck for an hour at the hair dressers to get their hair and make up done for a beauty pageant.
DeleteValid advice
ReplyDeleteThanks, magic eye. Good to see you here. Love your photographs of Mumbai.
ReplyDelete