Sunday, June 10, 2012

Wound-up Adults Relax About Your Kids


File:Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross 1 - WW Denslow - Project Gutenberg etext 18546.jpgI decided to spend a fortnight with the kids. They were in fits the moment I landed. We somehow got talking about the gifts they'd received over the years and I reminded my daughter about the ride-a-cock horse she'd received at age three. "When you figured out that you tweaked one ear and it neighed...," I began, only to realise they were trying hard not to laugh at my earlier statement.

"A what?" And unable to hold it in any longer, they were in splits. I know the nuances that phrase is associated with nowadays kids but it was different in our days. Read the poem attached to the following image and thank goodness for the internet.

Also, they were in heaven as I'd decided to take our dog, who they were literally brought up with and missed like crazy, along.

After unpacking I was planning to put my toothbrush in the bathroom when I noticed one exactly like mine. Just so they wouldn't get mixed up I took mine back to my room which my son had kindly vacated for me. The fun began when I told him, "I think you have the exact same toothbrush in that glass so I took mine back to my room.

"What? I don't even have a toothbrush."

I searched his face to see if he was pulling his mom's leg. He sensed the unnatural silence and looked at me. "What?" he was responding to the carefully concealed alarm in my face.

"Why don't you have a toothbrush? Don't you brush your teeth?" And with total illogic and in a moment of panic a thought hit my mind with lightening speed, "My God," I blurted out, "has someone knocked all your teeth out so you don't have any to brush? Are you hurting?"

The kids were in hysterics again.  Gulping for air my son blurted out, "Mummy, how does that brain of yours work?" I don't have a toothbrush so someone must have knocked my teeth out! I simply don't have a toothbrush in that glass in the bathroom. The one exactly like yours is not mine. I have an electric toothbrush."

Much relieved and a tiny bit embarrassed, I joined in the laughter.

Later, my psychologist son probed at my illogical fears a bit more. Well, the truth is, there are a few right wingers, white, yellow, brown, black or any colour - people who believe they were "here" (in any part of the world) before the rest of us and so, just for being "different" and not originally from "here", we  owe them a living. Given the chance, these roughnecks would beat us to a pulp in an instant.

They are but a handful. On the whole, people are busy living, trying to be as happy as possible, also kindly and warm towards their fellow human beings. Over here in NZ, I've seen people in cars on quieter roads graciously stop for pedestrians, not because they have to at a pedestrian crossing but simply because they have a built in, kindly graciousness. There's no "me-first-and -damn-the-rest" aggression in their faces.

Yet our paranoia persists. Why this fear? Is it illogical? Do we often need to remind ourselves that roughnecks are but a handful? Also, should that fact make us less afraid?

Here's an excerpt from "Never Mind Yaar" that gives us an insight into why some people feel threatened and what their paranoia leads to instead of amused laughter.

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I feel it is important to know why they feel threatened in the first place before we begin thinking of solutions as empathy and understanding lead to more practical solutions than just fear and anger. 
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As for my kids, I am much reassured after a fortnight with them that they have many good friends from a variety of backgrounds and enjoy foods from different cultures. I am thankful that their sense of the absurd and the ridiculous still remains unchanged. And as for my paranoia, I make a conscious effort to push it away and fill my mind with happier thoughts whenever I feel an attack coming on.

The link again - Why Some People Feel Threatened By Others



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15 comments:

  1. we have so much to learn from the kids!! your post made me smile :) very beautifully put - the idea of paranoia vis-a-vis innocence and freedom of a child's thots....

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    1. I do need to learn how to stop worrying for the kids. At the same time I won't deny I'd like the kids to make informed choices based on their knowledge of possible dangers lurking out there, and without losing their zest for living life to its fullest. Thanks, Flying High.

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  2. I read this piece on my phone this morning--could not comment immediately but wanted to.
    I wish I knew more parents like you who could self-reflect and detach and have fun the way you did in this piece...we all need to learn!

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    1. I guess we would like the kids to learn from our own experiences and kids want to find things out for themselves. Thanks Bhavana - feel tempted to make the kids read your comment!

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  3. Most of the time it is just insecurity about our children that makes us behave and act as we do -- protective in the extreme. And as for those who 'attack before they defend' it is a sad state of affairs since such specimens abound everywhere. Insecurity can breed not only paranoia but also violence.

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    1. Too true, zephyr. Insecurity breeds a whole lot of negative emotions. As for being protective to the extreme, I hope I don't do that too often - I hope I am able to put whatever my common sense, theories and logic tell me into practice 95% of the time.

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  4. Paranoia is part of our genetic code. Call it a manufacturing defect but sooner or later our family members learn to live with it!

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  5. Fear for our children's safety is only one kind of paranoia and you are right - a little understanding on both sides soon sorts that out. There’s also paranoia of different languages, cultures and races. My hope is that we make every effort to understand why that happens as it causes too much friction.

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  6. I feel that children from the present generation are far more responsible and outgoing. The sooner our generation sheds the paranoia the better it is for us:)Nice one KayEm!

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  7. You are spot on, Rahul. They are. I do make a conscious effort to push away my paranoia. Hope I'm successful. As for the ones who don't like anything that is different from their own culture, they have their own demons to face and as I said in my excerpt, we become part of the problem unless we first make the effort to understand what their fears are.

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  8. What a perfect time for me to land here! If you may please visit my blog, you'll know why.

    It's a good thing to look back at your follies with humor. And you did that in a nice way.

    It started to bug me a lot about what to teach my kid and how. Ah, such a simple thing, which should be as easy as breathing, can be such a botheration!

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    1. Thanks, Indrajit. Wish you all the best in your new role as dad.

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  9. Love your blog-the very name is so therapeutic;it dissolves all anxieties.

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    1. What a very lovely compliment, thanks Indu. I hope it’s a challenge too, especially for Indians who are too nice and too ready to circumvent problems thrown up by the unscrupulous. Rather than consoling themselves with a “never mind yaar” I hope they unite with other like minded people to speak out.

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  10. Yeah - nice one. Paranoia (about the child's well being) on the part of the parents and their urge to cocoon also brings out their lack of confidence on the child. But then, sooner or later, someday the child will have to stand out there alone and face the world as an individual. Confidence is the best gift one can give his/her child, I believe, and care comes second.

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